Karen Post-Breakup
by Kaazi2004
Summary: Karen goes through some changes after recently breaking up with Jim.
1. Chapter 1

Karen Filipelli was devestated. I mean, anyone would be after breaking up with Jim. Jim was perfect. He was funny, charming, handsome. The thing a girl like Karen always wanted, but unfortunately he had his eye on a certain receptionist instead. Anyway, that brings us to Karen now. She was going through a mental breakdown, and was ready for a change. Just a small one, but still a change.

An idea presented itself to Karen one morning. She was looking in the mirror, brushing her hair, when she thought what if she got it cut? A new era in life, a new haircut. So instead of going to her job at a boring paper company, she went to the hairdressers.

"Appointment for Karen Filipelli!" said the hairdresser. "Oh! Your name's Karen. I know the _perfect_ haircut for you."

And a few minutes later, it was done. Karen looked at her new, short hair, with blonde highlights. At that moment she realized there was a part of her that was missing her entire life, and in that moment she found it.

"That haircut suits ya, honey." said the hairdresser, with a fake Boston accent.

Then suddently Karen had an urge. This feeling was something new to her. Something she never felt before. She had an urge to say:

"I would like to speak to your manager."

"Oh no! I mean, I knew your name was Karen, but I didn't think the stereotype would hold up like this."

The hairdresser ran out of the store crying. Then the manager, who had overheard the conversation, came out of the back room of the store.

It was Jim.

Karen was shocked.

"But aren't you working... in.. why are you here?"

"It was always my dream ever since I was a kid to own a hairdressers business. Pam MUST not know."

Seeing Jim made her throw a temper tantrum. She grabbed a hair clipper, and buzzed off a patch of hair on the top of his head.

"You got me pregnant!" she shouted.

"Y-you're pregnant?" Jim said, stunned.

"Yes, and I'm keeping it!" Karen said, as pro-lifey as ever.


	2. Chapter 2

**9 months later**

One by one, the babies plopped out of her vajayjay, until eventually she stopped pushing, and four babies remained.

"You know what THAT means!" said the doctor.

"I really don't!" said a bewildered Karen.

Cue song Cut that Cord*

Doctor: "[CHORUS] _Everybody in the hospital ward!_

_Everyone we're gonna cut that cord!X2_

_All you need is a pair of scissors_

_You can do it even if you're a beginner!_

_CHORUS_

_Come on down if you are bored_

_Everyone we're gonna cut that cord!_

_[hand claps]_

_Cut that cord!"_

He then cut the cord.

"So, shall I vaccinate them now?" asked the doctor.

"Vaccinate them? Doesn't that give them autism?" Karen said.

"No. Trust me. I'm a doctor I know a bit more about this stuff than-"

"I want my kids to be NATURALLY healthy. Their immune systems should be strong WITHOUT VACCINATIONS!!!" Karen yelled, and stormed out of the hospital with her four quadruplets.

She then got home where her husband, Jim, was. They got married because of the kids, at month 2. A drunken Pam walked out of the basement.

"I'm out of *burp* beer. Can I just steal some from you guys. I'll pay ya back." she said in a Scottish accent (she briefly moved to Scotland after the breakup).

Pam couldn't afford living by herself, after becoming an alcoholic, so Jim figured the least he could do was offer her a place to stay. He regretted his decision quickly, but couldn't muster up the courage to tell Pam to leave.

"There's some Schrute farms beet beer in the cupboard." Jim responded.

"Ai'ght" she said, rather African-American-like. She had also briefly moved to Compton, after realizing her discontentness regarding bagpipes.

She took them and went back down to the basement. Jim said that he had to leave to visit his sick mother at the hospital, leaving Karen and Pam alone at home. Karen started to crave some beer, but Pam took all of it, so Karen went down to the basement to ask her for some. Pam was lying on the couch.

"Could I steal some beer?" asked Karen.

"Sure thing! Come sit next to me if you want to. We can talk over a beer."

Maybe it was the alcohol, but Pam was starting to look prettier than usual. Karen never thought of Pam in that way, until now. Karen leaned in for a kiss, and Pam accepted. One thing lead to another and... well, I'm sure you know what Pam and Karen were doing. Then they heard the front door open upstairs. And Jim crying. Pam got off of Karen.

"Karen? Where are you?"

Then the basement door opened, and they heard him come down the stairs. They weren't able to get their clothes on in time.

"YOU CHEATED IN ME WITH PAM?!?!" Jim shouted. "First my mom died and now this!! I'm leaving, and I'll take the quadruplets with me!"


End file.
